Being 15 sucks.I hate it.Why should I be one..no one gives a damn.I'm freaking invisible.At school everyone just gave late greeting to me.Some people think I'm an asshole.They find fault with me on my birthday.They would compare me and my friend.They make me feel sour by talking about their steads and relationships and by showing what they got fro their birthday when I got nothing.I hate it.Been such a frustrating day.so many things I didnt get to finish.Mr Jae's gonna kill me..I swear to god.I accidentally hurt one of my friends when I was frustrated.I really got to appologies to him.I'm in a mess and I dont know what to do.I'll always say,I'd do it tomorrow but I never do it.Frustrating god dammit.If my past came back I dont think they'd like what they'll see.I'd be horrified.I'd be if I saw myself in such a state.I hate myself,I hate what I've become,I hate how my friends are treating me,I hate being in 2007.I wan to go back to the past or skip a year.I dont want to entertain this rubbish.Its killing me inside.

moodless so off bye

todays my birthday..butits not spectacular and actually in the end of the day.Had to wake up at 8 coz i had an npcc meeting at 10.There i got greeted happy birthday which is rather unusual coz its custom to get bashed by ur seniors..but i didnt..lol.went back home bcoz justin,karan and ong wee kiat came over to do geo projet..talked alot of crap as we did our project half way done.Slack at home than su called saying he wanted to go to the East cc to sign up for guitar lesson..I follow also la.So after that we went to a guitar/sports shop near buy.Got my guitar string and went home.lil bro help me with changing of the strings and tuning.Lucky me he learnt guitar lesson in school.What surprised me was my bro made me a grilled cheese sandwhich.WOAH my bro caring?TO me?more or less shockd la.Had a family dinner.To make up for forgetting my bdae..k this is the part I really wanna blow steam..angry like hell.
UR BLAMING ME OF SOMETHING i DIDNT DO.UR BLAMING ME BECOZ S FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM.UR BLAMING ME FOR NOT TELLING S MY FEELINGS FOR HER.UR BLAMING ME FOR INTRODUCING THEM.
They want to be friends i give booth their no. nothing wrong what they do next is their prob.but why do you say I'm backing out when its not my mess?Why are you calling me a coward.Why are you saying I'm heartless.I HAVE no heart becoz I fell in love with S.I loved her so much.God I cried when I people told me to face reality.But it was only when I realised that she's been flirting with him than i know she used me..do YOU even know the pain of that.
Do you understand the feeling of being used.Have you ever heard ur heart shatter to a million pieces when u saw the person u love walking itimadately with another.I did.I'm not saying thatI'm the only one. but for god sakes,your being un fair here.God Mr jae,Mr Chaw or anyone if ur reading this,tell me what to do.Its so frustrating to know that your being blamed for breaking ur ex crush's heart.She said he was so sweet to S.But I was infront of her face for about 2,3 months msgin her good night and she never noticed it.Did she know I made them for her.
god no mood to blog.nites all

This was suppose to be yesterday's post going along with the new blogskin..mom was in a bad mood.K the updates.The week kinda getting better but I could really use a waking up.I'm getting a hang of maths,my 1st essay for 2007 went out great.P.E long time since I had fun or worked out in this matter.Art is making me go urgh..i used to love art..but now getting so complicated,head ache.I suppose that should happen.Npcc..I think every thinks I'm a bastard.oh fuck..Its either I distract people or I cant do it properly.Gosh alot of my things are damaged.From my books to my bag.The scratches and cracks on my specs to my handphoneGosh i'm damaged physically and mentally too.lols....

The black haired teenager with blood stainted grey shirt fell to his knees.He felt so tired,so breathless.He coughed out blood,gallons of it.The blood than flowed down slowly.Like watching a seed grow to an oak tree,his blood morphed itself into a form of a human.It had the same height as him,that same stance as him and the same figure as him but the only difference was it had bloodred eyes and that dark smirk from ear to ear.

"It cant end like this,no it cant"The child stutter with blood in his mouth.

"Give it up,Ash.Only the strongest can survive and it seems like your on the weaker side"The dark figure said with a maniacal laugh.

Just than,Ash had a flash back.The memories of how he came to be such a person.He wasnt always like this,rebelious,a brute,a MONSTER.He was sincre,mid-mannered,generous,humble.But everyone kept looking down on him,especially his so-called "friends".They'd mocked him for looking "nerdy" and being a loser.He didnt had the guts so do or say anything,he feared of being BULLIED.
His fears and cowardness was the reason why he lost the girl of his dreams,Amy.He just let Amy away from his graps.He let the third person take away Amy.There was nothing he could do.The person was much bigger and fiercer than him.So he kept quiet.she said if he was stronger to atleast defend himself she'd go out with him but that would be the day that pigs could fly.With that, she just walked away with the guy.That was probably the last tear Ash cried.So he thought.

He decided to show the world what he was made of.He trained his body day and night.He started to CHANGE ,physically and mentally.He was rude to his parents and friends,he never did his home work any more,he hanged out with people his old self would dare to speak of and within weeks his body was capable to take down more than 2o men.So he decided to try his new body out.At the middle of the parade square,he called out all the names that made fun of him in the past.20 of them.
They all did.they wanted to teach Ash a lesson that he'd never forget but one by one Ash took them down with a manical smile,sinister with every person he defeated.In the end he dragged the unconcious bodies and arranged them side by side so every one could see.He looked at everyone's faces.They were all scared of him."finnally"he said.As he looked around he saw Amy with the look of disapointment.Wasnt this what she wanted?Ash took a last glance at Amy,grabbed his back and walked away.The tears he swore would never flow,ran down his cheek non-stop.

When he reached home,he slammed the iron grills and headed to his room.He closed the door shut.Just than he felt a sharp,piercing pain right in his heart.He went weak to his knees and started coughing.

Now on his knees infront of the dark creature,the creature that he made,the creature of what he became,he smiled.The dark being gave him a kick to the face and Ash was made lying on the floor,blood all over.With all the strength he could muster,he stood up.Still wobbly at the knees he limped towards the dark figure and said."I'm scared of you,but it doesnt mean I should bow down to you.the more you try to scare me,the more i'll just stand up,either alone or with friends,I'll stand up to you or anyone of you BASTARDS and tell you this.No matter how much you people keep coming ta me,I'll just counter it,a step at a time"he said now face to face to the creature.The creature,who was shocked of how Ash could stand up,just fanish into thin air.Ash smiled and close his eyes.

When he woked up, he saw Amy resting her head on the bed he was lying on.He looked at his surrounding.A hospital.Just than the doctors and his parents came in and Amy woked up still in a daze but was quite happy to see Ash woken up.his mom told him that Amy came to the house telling what had happened in school and was worried for him.When they entered his room,they saw him lying in a puddle of blood ans was taken to the hospital imediately.Ash thanked his benefactor and she kissed him on his fore head.She had always loved Ash but he didnt had any courange to stand up for himself or ask her to be his stead,so on a moment of rashness,she left Ash.But she still loved him.He smiled.All he needed was to be himself and to speak out.What irony.Things turned out for the best for Ash and Amy.Ash became a great phycologist while Amy became a teacher.But whenever Ash was alone sometimes,he'd notice a black figure at the corner of his eyes,but he decided to ignore it.

It was his life and he was happy with it.
The moral of the story,be contented of who you are and though you wish life to change,its up to you do decide.I decide to IGNORE those who offend me.Its for the better.

All that training has finally come to an end.Sighs of relief because the pressures not there anymore.k I came to school at 6.45 am because the preparation starts at 7.the shutter doors to the second floor wasnt open so had to wait.finally manage to change but the class room door was close.So just brought the fliers downstairs.though to mend the booth because my level of riffle was not like the rest,and sure it wasnt.

Almost felt like asking the sir to send me to the booth,but when I saw my sec 1's I decided to give it another go.God I did it but was really tired.The temperature was freaking cold!I could see my breathe.And in my head there were some thoughts.the words I'm not gonna give up because thats what everyones hoping for me to see.espcially not gonna give up repeated in my head.But almost at the end of the fair,I pulled a hamstring,I couldnt march.so I was sent to the booth.the people were packing up so I asked ma'am(Ms Hidayah)how was things,she said everything ran smoothly,I felt better,much better,but still cannot march even if I wanted to.

Had a briefing and bunch of us,mostly CI's,went to Mac go and eat,Its become a tradtion for us,if got time,we all go eat out.Things aregetting complicated these days,maths formula,family,life.dont know what to say... haiz g2g

This feeling,somethings out of place,was it the spot where I loved you.It feels empty now..have I forgotten about you?I suppose its for the best..for me to forget about you and you to not know about me.

I had never gone into deep thoughts on what I think about the rain.Now since Mr Jae ask the class to blog about it I might as well.

I've had many memories about being in the rain,some hurtful and some enjoyable.I'd used to play in the rain when I was a kid and my mom would always scold me for getting my clothes drenched and sick but I'd do it again when ever I could.It was really fun,splashing in the puddle,running in the rain,the sound of it pitter-pattering on the ground,letting the rain drops touching your skin.The feeling was wonderful.

Yet there was a time when I walking in the rain,I felt rather aweful.The reason was the people who I thought were close friends mocked my of how I looked and I went home crying in the rain.Some how,walking to the bus stop in the rain, made me feel better.It reminded me how it could it possibly get even worst.A good thing too that it rain,I didnt want to go back tears at the doorstep,it would have worried my mother so much!I never did get that close with those bunch of people ever again though but when ever I just feel down,I'd just hope it rains so Icould walk in it or atleast hear it pitter-patter onto the window in my bedroom.

The rain also gives me opportunaties I could never had done,watching a movie I bought but never saw,play the playstation,to blog,read the book I didnt had a chance to continue,draw the "manga" I've been thinking of or just sleep in till my dad complain.It also gives me inspirition like the following