Ever wonder why we never take time to epreciate all the small things..not say I'm the holy/mr total nature nice guy but we tend to miss out these things like the moon for example and your friends..I was so frustrated of myself I keep forgetting them.They are so special and can mean very big even if its invisible like pride,its invisible or I say small but is such a big issue to everyone.A Family can be torn a part because he would admit his mistake..A company could crumble because he would admit what he's done then push the blame to others..pretty hectic eh?what about love?pretty much the same as pride but people tend to brush it off yet it still could be hectic god..you guys must be thing what the Hell am I talking about eh...I dont know myself but I'm trying to say is dont take little things for granted,so just stare at the moon for a moment then go to slep
like what I'm doing byes ^.-

post 126,wow this might be my last post for the month or maybe till my mom cools off so I'm going to pour everything I remember bottling up..here goes**deep sigh**

out of 12++ frens and 20-odd family relative and teachers,non I can relate my feeling and emotions to.I dont know,I feel as if I listen to pple's sorrow and all but no one is there to hear mine,well this is what I feel soz if it offends but its true..maybe I feel like that coz I cant find the 'perfect' one to tell to..all my sorrows,fears and happiness..Cant tell mom coz she think I'm over-reacting and then makes a big fuss so does my aunts and uncle...I think the forgot what it is to be a kid/teenager hahz ironic eh.You've been a kid for 14+ years and now you forgot how to be one..
Mom says I'm rebellious..if she listen to my problem calmly and not agressively later or when I talk,she might understand me but she thr agressive and headstrong type.cant blame her,its in the blood I can say.

Second..I'm learning.I'm learning about what I truly am deep inside..or soul searching as it's known as if you need a dictionary to know that.The thing is I cant even how hard it is I still cant..my future is blank I suppose..I really want to make it bright but this are just words..

this one is specially ofr suhaimi...WTF is wrong with u??everyone agrees ur a big MF..you really know what I think..your going OVERBOARD,god knows wheather is becoz you think your better?you think everyone a slum?as a GOOD freind I suggest to you this"WAKE UP YOU IRRITATING M0F0 AND SMELL THE M.F ROSES!!"phew thats better.

Am I ment to be moody and such? god knows..I really want to change butpeopl dont see it..I've really never given the chance to be heard or told how to do this properly patiently..the only place I get this attention is school,well 75% of it anyway but thats why I love it..mom never does pay attention to my little things..I've tried so hard but I suppose those efforts were ment to be wasted or lost..

off good holidays people

I dont know whats comming over me,one moment I'm depressed and moody,another screaming and being and idiot..I've been yelling at my parents so many times,I wish I could stop all this non-sense but I cant...keep eating comfort food.I cant find a reason for eating then though....had a meeting after school for sports div.Mr Jae ask us to do several T-shirt design,2 modes.1 if fo fun raising and that stuff another is mopre casual..up to us to design it!haz..next week gonna be a busy week ha!lets see.well g2g no so buh-byes

I've been shutting myself up for a few days hoping not to give people problems but seems it keeps ramming be me at the back..unnoticed and hard..
I've seriously tried my best to show mum how good and independent I can be..but it always goes wrong..I even make it hard for her when I "ran away" today at work...gave some thought when she scolded at me while walking..I thought it'd might cool her down but it made her stressed...I'm practically useless..cant do a simple job,I wonder why Mdm Teo told my mom I was responsible when I cant do anything.I really want to give up and cry...I dont give good advice,not a good friend,not a good brother and a unfilial son..

holding my tears

..I'm suppose to be happy that I've got a week holiday and my exams are over,but I just cant face myself to smile after waht I did..

there was a so called arguement that my family had with my grand aunt,she uh how to say undirectly said that the is busy and all and hard to control kids which my uncle unresposiby left them at her house.I had to take them back...it was hard to see my grand aunt and great grand mother trying to struggle them to stay...they actually cried.I didnt want to believe them but when I my great grand mother's tears..I almost broke down..they kept asking why did we have to take them,why wasnt my first uncle here or thn useless 1?I could asnwer...I tried to lied but they kept asking..so I just waited for them to let the two kids go..how heart wrentching it was..I thought it was just going to there to claim the kids,but who knew?I fear this would greatly depress and shock my great grand mother.god please help her...

what was more sickening that my mother and grand mother see it as a act and a form of victory..I didnt spoke a word..even when she asked me how they reacted..nothing.send the two kids to my uncle's factory..they will be close to their fathers and be loved..but I dont think its a safe environment for them.wish I could do something but no one ever listens to me...and I end up saying,"I told you so.. ".nothing I can do.Who is to blame,those who lie and complain too much?those who took them away or those who see this as a form of victory...

god help

..I'm letting myself go.In a good and bad way.People saying I'm acting and bragging and all but this is my blog.I write what ever I want to right..On Mon,had literature which was bloody hell long..the qns never stops,then had Malay compo...sped 45 mins on my draft and was left like 10-15 mins scribbling 'em out..Maths was next...paper 2 actually made me a zombie..mind went blank but tried very hard to complete all...Mrs kho said, mine is a tersu hancur*no hope*god..was like depressed totally..went home with a heavy heart..history...a complete headache and not enough time for me to write long qns like the others..I dunno why..had a big headache by then..Maya paper 2 was a ok-ok..the last 5 qns made me suspicious..they were almost like p5 work..0o and 5 marks at that?makes you go wow dont it..well,romours say that tomorrow(11/5/05) amos will saboh me by coming to school late and make me do the parade comand..I'm so screwed..hopefully i know them and wont make a blunder and make a fool of myslef..maje it seems as if I'm not respecting my nation..T_T and wads wif the song?well sounds nice and all have a meaning to me right no..cant chat anymore..need to wake up early for my big day ^^
byes

ok lets start by waking up like 11 in the morning and then discover that you have to rush to accompany your elders to the "important" voting today,first was my grandma and dad,mum didt go coz her's was a pasir ris...i dunno why she has to vote there,maybe it has to do with she signing her name for my uncle for a condo in pasir ris,newayz back to topic..then went to orchard with my two little annoying cuzzin,cute but annoying not forgetting stubborn,so when we reached to shaw centre,went straight to the movies with bro,saw mission imposible 3,totaly breath taking in every way,drama,"a-moment-to-giggle"comendy,yup there was a scene that was funny but aint telling ya,gotta see for yourself ^^.when finished,tried looking for mom so we split up,30 mins,no sign of mom or bro but found him,we went from bottom to top of the shaw centre,still could find her so had to go to far east plaza,where we finnaly found a phoneboth which isnt the card type,thank god,bro phoned mom,found out that they were in takashymaya(sp?),so set out in another adventure,turn here and there and within 30 mins time we saw mom,and in the end I "all-most"reluectanly bought a bag,loved my haversack,its been with me since I was 8 and I'm 14 now..a big wow and I think it needs a rest,its preet much worn out..while walking home,sawe and ex-worker from my uncle's company,now working for starhub,mom actually subscribe to starhub cable!!WOW,long time since I had cable in my very own house,lolz newayz now here listening to end of voting,cant say anything or I be against the law and I really dont want to do that lolz so off now byes

haiz..its hard now days..fren,studies and exams...when I school was ok lah other than cleaning up and realising that I did something wrong in HomeEC but i had some suport but that doesnt refrain myself by trying to jump..lolz I stayed back for a extra remedial and had a rude shock,pple in the other class we rude and all,I only wanted to revise and was actually "chased"out..nvm..suhaimi thought me a little..realised ppls view..cant say too much,just that life has different ways of coming up and sneaking to you,may it bad or good..yah got to be ready,you cant use the easy way out of trouble,killing or backing out,its totally useless..its life,what can u say..but life is urs to control and dont let it go to waste

ok..I've stared at the screen for 15 mins and I've got nothing to say..I'm well you can say worried..I dont know whats going on anymore,let it be my school life or my own..I dunno why I cant cath up,this is frustrating really it is..god know how I manage to study..I'll try my best coz I want to..funny Mdm Low say I distracted becoz of my hair..should I have a hair cut??it is summer and all my hair is thick though it isnt long =X back to my life..I feel,no I know some people are avoiding me for no reasons..for once I'm lost for words..haha isnt that stupid..well yestersday was my eng exams..=__=gosh i spent 10 mins on the editing but still dun know what to do hahax I suppose.gosh I think I'm on a physical/mental breakdown..keep vomiting bout 5x and coughing so badly think I'll cough out blood if I did it another two or three times.....ok this is depressing coz I paused for another 5 mins..hahaha..I'm losing myself..I dont want to admit it but I am..I'm saying rubbish so I'm off now and good luck to those who are having their exams byes