argh..exams 2morrow ad I'm playing com..thats stupid well no school so heck care..argh..feeling are running wild at this momment dunno..haiz ..well no1 reads this so feel kinda stupid..tired off now byes

have you ever wonder what u did was right?or there was a momment that u want to linger and make it last a little longer..I have..I saw this show umm "paladin" or soemthing on chanel U and it has made me thinking..for example would my life changed I fell to 2e6 or 2n2 not offending those who are in but would it affect my life my friends..wad if I'm to cut myself now with a penknife..would I keep doing it..will I get to trouble?if I beat up the bully would I win?did mom scold me so I could be one of the best?think about it

There are momments where u want it to never last like walking down the street with the girl u like..hanging out with frens..but do u realise that this something end in a tragic momment and it makes u realise that small things are important..we never do cherish.I know I dont..its seems impossible eh..wait u might get obsessed about everything and become controlsive..ironic eh?or how about u try to yearn something so badly and when you achieve it or go far from ur dream,you realise it was just in front of ur face for the past few years?well exams are realy round the corner..so off now byes

I'll stand alone..since all I do turns ugly..even when I try to help..it sounds as if its all my fault..when I say I know how fatin feels I sound like a know it all smart elex hypocrite...argh its soo frustrating..exams round the corner and Ms Yuen's pushing me of the ledge..I becoming totally lost here cant remeber a damn thing my online math test I still got a 8/10 no matter how hard I try..I know thats not my limit..I dont want it to be.I'm trying my best to cope with science and Mdm Punithem is worried bout me...not about my studies about me..she says I really looked gloomy she asked me why didnt I hang out with my friends..I really dont know what to answer her..I dotn people actually look me as a friend...maybe a stranger or a person u've just met...cant be relied I've that feeling in me...what I am..Tomorrow,Mrs Kho wont be in school theres double eng and a compo test..have to go back to school to do editing...a real haiz..I'm frustrated..mom..how should I put it..on part she understands and another she doesnt..I dont mind that coz I know I can be confusing at time but I dont have the guts to say mom I'm under pressure..let me chill want some time on e com..I study,well time to time newayz..I rather stand alone until things in me are cleared..

I feel more or less totaly useless..I cant keep denying it..I actually cheated like the whole class in a test at mother tounge..I couldnt cheer up Fatin no matter what I totally forgot that I had science and literature I was like omg how stupid can I be? began to be totally moody..I was like haiz and all.I really wanted to go for the eng remedial but it was cancelled and also it rained haevily..had to settle some old thing with kamal so probably I'd be late..I really feel bad now..I came back and actually dosed off till 7 then even after that I fell asleep on the floor manage to do my math and eng though..gonna find a way to do history..cant say too much dad wants to play e com and need to go to sleep so buh byes now

I feel like I been defeated or justed ended a meaning less fight.I really dont know what happened...yesterday all of a sudden people blurt out they want a new chairman..a better 1,they said I was a good-for-nothing...I really cried when they said that outload..Mrs kho said to the class that she will think about it..for a moment I really wanted to give my position to Raizen..the class's candidate..had a few cries and then PE, Mr Alsagoff made me forget about it..He kept disturbing me and Farah..diao lolz newayz,was really surprised to see that alot of people we're still with me,especially suhaimi who even give his tittle for my sake..but I think I dont want it..I'd rather maintan what I have or have a honourable defeat...no second for me..I dont want it anymore...i know I had in with me...I cant bring it out thats all..went bang with my "old friend"..walked in the rain..lolx it was fun but when I realised why I kept away from them..my heart sank...started to go home by myself but thought they would come at the bust stop so I waited and waited but no 1 came...seems like they took a bus stop earlier..I felt like an idiot waitng for them...missed about 5 busses..I like great..A tear drop fell...

Today
I really was lost so decided to go home early..suhaimi said he would waited for me as I want to buy food but when I came back no1 was there..wad dissapointed me was what they**assume the same people I went back with me yesterday**did the same thing with Fatin...I read her blog a moment ago and I think I know how she feels..like a total loser...who would want to wait like 30 mins for nothing...I really know how it feels..I'll try avoid most of them..I'll try..
I'm asking myself..whats wrong with me?? I mean people say I'm a total idiot but things happen for a reason,I felt so stress and I really dont want to me all soo moody guy thingy..but seems like some people just hate for who I am..i cant help no matter what..Its not my fault you hate me..I tried to change but you still dont like me so what am I suppose to do?sit one corner and mop the hell out of me..no way I'm not..

sleepy and fuckstrated

MY best of best friends

this are my closes friends,and what they'll look like in anime^_^from left to rightt,suhaimi,fatin,farah and me =D.They're my besties they are there when I need emotional support or just be there...but what happened if u have another friend and u used to like her and one of ur besties,umm lets call her besty A had a real heat arguement and the ur other besty,besty B support her...which do you side..ur besties or ur ex-crush...didnt know what to do so I had whats right for both of us..I ended our friendship whith my friend..I feel bad but what Besty A and B said make sense..I hope she wakes up from her reality..

What if u had a good friendbut he's underage and smokes in school and you caught him oalot of time and even covered his butt...did I do the right thing by not handing him over?I'm not sure I've caught alot of students smoking but I dont have the heart t report coz I live with a smoker..my dad..my uncles too..I try not to be a passive smoker and not try to smoke but it looks very tempting no I'm not smoking, but why dont they ever listen to me and stop smokin..haiz real confused off now,gotta do assingment on the net,byes..oh yeah this song?my dad requested it cool eh? now really byes

I feel sick.Not only I have the flu,yestersay I messed up..I accidentally ask the class to do extra qn and the next day,they all jeered and laugh at me...I feel horrible and cried..went home after that .Today Farah didnt come and Sean insulted me when Mrs kho didnt come to lesson,he ask what kind a chairman I am..not organisation..everybody followed him..was so angry..I actually screamed at the class so loud..I think they got a shock..didnt bother..went to find a teacher to sub Mrs kho...later in Hist..Mdm low forgot about our class..so went to find her..some people tried to be cheecky before that but I think no 1 dared to object me...ask Raizen to handle the class and it seems his pretty good at it..maybe I'll ask Mrs Kho to replace Jing Chee instead of Raizen..she doesnt do anything..bloody bitch..
My zipper was spoilt when I took it out from my hanger..had no chaice go to school covering my pants..thankfully sir zaid help me or else I swear I'd be a laughing stalk..I have a terrible cough and I soo wanted to cough but out of respect and all my Sirs all were there so I held it as long as possible..gave some little cough to clear my troat..my rank feel off and could find the lock..had to use safety pin..then everything fell..the hook for my hanger..the safety pin on my pants,my total defence badge..went to macdonald but felt bad so went home...didnt kow my mom was waiting for me..felt even worst...the flu is back and I really want to cry but keep telling myself "be strong"and what the leaders should do..I really want to be a leader or atleast a good person..gosh I feel weak

no prayers

I really dont know whats going on with me..maybe I should face reality..nothing is like a dream anymore..I really should straighten up myself..I really tried as much as possible today..alot of people told me that I'm too noisy,maybe I should sit one corner pay attention..I feel like I've just return from and meaningless fight..

dont know what to say...

i dont know why I'm like this..early in the morning had to run 4 laps around the feild then in PE,had to run around the external of the school..tiring man,tried a new move..butt kicks..sounds funny but it works,it helps double ur speed for a short distance...but ya must get started first..I dont think its a good idea for meter dash..Mr alsagoff 'kacau' me and farah..lol pretty funny.he ask 1 of e girls to 'kacau' me so farah wound be jealous hahaha..played netball...my first time playing lol...later had counselling..felt like Ms Krishnan bombareding me with qns about me and my family..felt pretty useless then..I disnt do my duty...left suhaimi with some people and watch a 'homemade' video made from 4e3..went home in the rain after cheerring up shaun..think I've got a headache so i'll end this with a prayer

need hugs

Everyday I come back home with mixed emotions..tired from NP,I'm like totally lost in my best subjects,science,art and maths..I come back home having a gut feeling that tomorrow might me a bad day for me but remind myself "everyday is a good day to die,its wheather we want to die or not"..I have a feeling of regret unable to help others I thought I could when I'm given the power now.I thought I could make a change in fate and in my life.I thought that I wont be such a loser look where I am..gosh people even hate me for go sakes,theres like nothing I can do anymore..I'm thinking what use is it when you cant use it and no one respect you...I really dont want to go to school tomorrow,theres gonna be some topsy turvy events leading one to another...
well I did totally nothing for the WHOLE 3 days..wow? can you imagine..I think I'm getting the flu..better so I wont be able to go to school tomorrow..to summerise all the crap I've jut spill,I'm TOTALLY LOST in both worlds..my fantasy and the reality..I've gotta wake up from either this two...god I remeber tomorrow is miss yuen's lesson..I wonder if I can survivebetter start my prayers...

it may sound as if I'm copying form Suhaimis blog but I cant help it.I want the past back ,where we didnt care if we're top-notch we were united though the fights we had..the punches we blow and tears shed we were family.where I would disturb suhaimi with kamal,khairi,haeqal...we were all buddies then.where I was respected as the vice-captian of the group...where danial and I would compete in everything about NPCC...I miss 1e4..I miss grayson's lameness,Mr Jae's "choeng ahh" "and always look on the bright side of life,whistle,whistle,whistle" not forgetting a great mentor,nisha's wadeva look,Kamalrul with his daring stunts and lameness,haeqal and khairi's company..where all of us would sing songs at the back till Mrs Danial would scold us.Now things changed..I feel lonely though I make it as if I'm not..my class is top-notch but never united well rarely newayz...my friends left me for people in their class...I dont understand things..I keep day-dreaming..Danial changed his CCA to media club and NPCC to his second CCA,I see or know my friends anymore..I want things to be back to what we used to have..just 1 big happy family...al I left is this 2 photos but I'm showing you a favourite

<-----thats me..the guy looking a little retard with e legs up hahaha those were the days well from left to right -->pamela,nisarat(top),fatinpricillia,Mdm Zainab,suhaimi(botom)danial,Fadhly and lastly me
haha off now byes

missing the days

oohh my head hurts its like been in a blender or soemthing..I got i dunno a couple of hard hits from metal objects right in the head and I'm getting the pain right about now...I really want to drop but I dont know how or dont want to...maybe thats why I'm not quiting just as yet..maybe thats why we push our selfs to the limit though we may look ridiculas..argh need a breather right about now so I'm off.pray i wont faint ok coz I've got a long day ahead byes

*why are there stars??*falls

I'm tired..I'm tired of being a lousy leader,I'm tired doing nothing,I'm tired letting my "friends"do my work,I'm tired not doing my work at all,i'm tired pushing my limits though I feel its nothing compared to the others..I'm tired of being looked down..I dont want my mom to kno what I've being doing..covering up for a friend..I did something I wasnt suppose to do..told him not to bring it anymore...theres so much to say but I've got nothing to type

sleep

friends...what are they...to me their something i nthe past well most of em newayz..since they look down on me and see me as useless I'm better off being alone of finding new friends..its not that I want a clean break..they all just ignore me..even when I was out with my friends...there was not even a high well except from syira other then her...no1 noticed me though we were like a few tables far apart...I want to forget what we all had..so I wont have any hard feeling for all of em...nothing..no love no care just a clean break..but its more hard then it seems..

__________________________
this is my later post if u have realised..if not nvm...gave some thought...I'd rather be alone than hang around fake rriends and who hate me..I better be a stray than a goody-goody two shoesif this is what people in the group are...I'd rather set up my own group with people who actually trust me...freaking hell this trust is..i got into counselling becoz of this...haha how ironic..a councillor get counseled...

off

I now feel like giving up...I'm stressed...maybe thats ehy I'm not paying attention...I just wanna stop here rite now and just relax go to school with no worries or what so ever but thats just too good to be true..I dont know ehy I keep upsetting people..is it the promises I try so hard not to break?or is it becoz of the way I am...the guy who tries so hard to cheer people to an extent that he get humiliated and looked down...am I that guy..ARGH!!!!tommorow is a speach day rehearsal...and also my promotion test god knows how can I cope with this things and I've got a feeling that I didnt do something..I dont want to get up....just let me be...

quiting

I'm fed up..I'm fed up with my family ,myself and frens but I'm not gonna nag about tt.I'm gonna nag on my reposiblities and the people who look down on sports division.You guys think your so big?danial and Gabriel I've heard and I kow that you guys look down on us.I didnt see it but wind have tales to tell,so listen up..you guys think we're slacking?listen here.we are taking care of the equiptment,ensure that pple are happy get thing on time but yuo want to do it coz u guys think we're hogging?who is suppose to hold the key danial you or me?gabriel you do duty to escapre from Vanen tt 1 thing but the other is that u nvr do it?so wtf?is it so wrong to let you guys do some jobs and let us play for awhile?screw u guys man..watch your mouth and dun say what you dont know ok before you get a thight slap from me...

gone

I WANT to be taken seriously,I WANT to be respected..if you dont respect me how am I going to RESPECT you in the first place??I WANT my parents to stop fighting..it hurts...I WANT to cry out loud..god know how I'm still standing??I WANT TIME...or atleast organise it...I DONT WANT is to lose..my friends..my honur..pride and respect....I DONT WANT my family to break up...I DONT WANT t obe hurt anymore...I DONT WANT to leave without a name...I DONT WANT to be the guy who tries to help but always looks BAD....WHY does it seems that bad thing always happen to be or becoz of me...WHY cant things GO as I or we WISH for??Why is it so hard to say something to that special person?WHY DOES these little stuff seem so HARD...WHY does this body refuse to go down like it always do...WHY??SHOULD I be a loner??SHOULD I just leave...SHOULD I fight to the END like the rest are??SHOULD I just get myself replaced??WOULD it be easier??

god knows

arr i really dont know what to say..the past 2 days were mixed...hatred..lonliness all that crap that I've said..nothing goes as it seems....I'm not me niether of the two..up and cheerful nor emo and lonely...its all mixed...I'm getting confused..had to go for counselling from now for 6 weeks...I dunno if it sux but its taking up my art lessons T_T woooo newayz...I really dont know what I'm doing everybody's not listening anymore...mom and dad are fighting....I cant pay attention in class...argh why does this happens to me...i just want get away for amoment..but even then i want more..like a drug i suppose..g2g bb